I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
