I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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