none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
