So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize