dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
