May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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