you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
