I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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