Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
