You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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