You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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