and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize