ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
