I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize