Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
