Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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