If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
