i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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