If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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