pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
