Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Im part way to drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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