It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
