Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
