The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
