this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
