screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
