I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
