i may or may not be watching the land before time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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