I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dear god my vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
