Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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