oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
