He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize