sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
