I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
