I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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