Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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