She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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