hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
there is puke in my bra ... again
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