Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize