this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
