he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
