our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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