Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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