I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
