This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
