We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
