we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
