are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
