Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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