I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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