i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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