So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
