booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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