Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
