So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
