Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
