I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
