How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
