tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
