OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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