I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
