and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
