I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
