At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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