My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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