i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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