i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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