isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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