I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
