you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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