i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
